To Stop a Gaben, take control and press the Gaben. -Gabe Newell


Welcome to Team Fortress 2. After nine years in development, hopefully it would've been worth the weight. Thanks, and have fun.

I can be reached at Gaben

Powers and Statistics

Tier: -2

Name: Lord Gabe Newell, God of the PC Master Race, and The One Who Has Ascended Wikis

Origin: Valve Software, though transcends it

Gender: Male

Age: Whatever he wants it to be

Classification: Lord Gaben, Game Developer, and Leader of HL3

Powers and Abilities: Whatever he wants. Gaben would list some, but we'd have to wait until Half Life 3 gets released.

Attack Potency: Invented the concept of Attack Potency. He doesn't actually have a use for it, though. It's quite impractical for a developer like him, so he threw it into the Recycling bin, and it accidentally became his top selling product in steam sales. He doesn't give a shit about attack potency and even destroyed and recreated it for fun, and he's always stronger than his opponent.

Speed: Invented the concept of Speed. However, it is irrelevant to him, for it lacks any practical application in the Gaben. As such, he sold it. He is ALWAYS fucking faster than you, because he coded your speed in the first place.

Lifting Strength: Worth The Weight. Basically above yours times infinity.

Striking Strength: Invented Strength, yet has no use for it. He is always able to one shot his opponent no matter their durability or how hax their defenses are. Think Saitama, but this time, but incomprenhensibly infinitely omega infinitely aleph omegaly times greater with even more force and coding added to it. He can even equal the likes of Reinhard Heydrich in quality).

Durability: Invented the concept of Durability, yet has absolutely no use for it at all. It's too useless, and it's garbage tier. He is always more durable than his opponent by virtue of having coded them in the first place, and he's too lazy to patch himself to be damaged.

Stamina: Invented Stamina, but has no use for it. He was too lazy to patch the code that allows him to tire, and he transcends both reality, fiction, memes, and everything else infinitely beyond beyond beyond beyond beyond... (more spam here)

Range: Invented Range, but has no use for it.

Standard Equipment: Black Shirt, Tan Pants, Hat, and a big hammer, Gravity Gun, and whatever the hell else he wants.

Intelligence: Gabenscient. Beyond that even, and beyond that, and beyond that, and beyond (more spam here). Gaben invented Intelligence, but it's too impractical for him to use at all, so he sold it away. (Although he is unable to grasp what the number 3 means)

Weaknesses: Gabe Newell invented the concept of weaknesses, only to have massively intentionally sold it to the WWW and everything beyond that. This means that weakness, and being beyond that (insert spam here) does not apply to him at all. (However he is unable to count to 3)

Notable Attacks/Techniques

Valve Time: Gabe Newell stops time for absolutely everything (EVEN IF TIME IS ERASED!), and he now becomes fast enough to always be faster than to always be faster than to always be faster than to always be faster than to always be faster than his opponent and speed itself. When speed was interviewed on how well it fared with Gabe Newell, Gabe Newell ran an aleph omega number of loops inbetween the planck instant between the question and Speed answering.

Source Filmmaker: Animates the Opponent's Defeat. Bypasses all durability, even those beyond durability itself and beyond that and beyond that and beyond (insert spam here). It's even able to break out of any loop no matter how loopy it is via Gabe Newell's Error Troubleshooting

Garry's Mod: Newell is able to summon anything from Garry's Mod, whether they be addons, or come with the vanilla game itself. He can summon infinite amounts of whatever it is, so as long as it is on Gmod in some way, shape, or form (addon too), he can add it. This means he can summon things like X-wings., which are much much much stronger than before, buffed to his level of existence and nonexistence, and they are able to one shot ANYBODY. These X-wings and other Source Mod creations he makes are always faster than his opponent, never missing, one shot whatever they hit, are always more durable than the opponent, cannot die in one hit, can erase absolutely everything in existence and nonxeistence and metaexistence and hyperexistence and everything beyond that and beyond that and bebyond (insert spam here) that isn't tied to Gabe Newell.

  • Ask The Experts: The most experienced GModders advise Gabe Newell and interfere directly with their awesome addons and powers. They can also spawn copies and even summon true GMod freaks and monsters multiplied by infinite numbers and aleph omega times aleph omega times greater and more numerous than their original numbers. Their numbers cannot be thinned for it is infinity which is constantly increasing and they can throw absolutely massively larger than copies of themselves which already duplicates their numbers by infinity, and more infintes, and even more infinties (repeat until necessary)

Steam Summer Adventure: Newell selects a (huge) group of people allied or under his command, and grants them badges and crafting equipment to make said badges specifically designed for fighting ANYONE, so while they may be fodder, they are able to always one shot their opponent. They are usually divided into 4 teams, each with their own specialty. EVERYONE who has a Vs Profile here, on any wiki, on any website, and even outside of the internet, before they are even added against him as a Vs Thread, is added to his Adventurers.

  • Red: The most numerous of the lot. Their badge crafting ability is unparalleled, and when swarmed and hyped (which is all the time), they can defeat ANYONE.
  • Purple: While they are the strongest early on, they can last FOREVER, so they get stronger and stronger when it comes to the long term fight and their damage is multiplied by always stronger than the opponent and they have Bushido (tm), and can take any hit regardless of its stronger than them or whatever.
  • Green: They can heal others and Gabe Newell to complete and full (even though he's beyond it) health and break the scale thus overhealing him so much that he is even more indestructible, eternal, and immortal to any strike, hax, or whatever the opponent can throw at them.
  • Pink: They may look weak, but their punches can erase ANYTHING that has a page history on it, and just looking at them does the same effect, except you get turned into Downplayed Naruto.
  • Blue: Their strong, and they cannot be detected at all, no matter your range, senses, or hax. They can always move faster than you, their melee attacks never missing, and they always one shot you no matter how durable you fucking are. They also mimicked Chuck's roundhouse kick and made it an untold amount of times stronger than he is bloodlusted as well as the entire Silverback Gorilla army.

Half Life 3 Confirmed: Gets the fans all riled up for a new Half Life game release... that will come in like Forever. Still though, this makes steam fans everywhere in all wikis and existence totality patafiction hyperfiction fanfiction metafiction fiction nonfiction transfiction realfiction omegafiction alephfiction and alphafiction and everything beyond those concepts and beyond (insert beyond those spam here) get a incomphrensibly strong increase in power and stats and hax, and whatever and makes them beyond those concepts and stronger than everyone else in the Collabtale besides the Absolutes by a whopping fucking zillionomega zillion aleph omega amount times infinity, even an endless amount of them.

VAC Ban: Instantly bans the target from the fray and makes Gaben and his army instantly win the fight no matter what the opponent does. It also instantly protects (and is faster than instant too like way way way, zillion times faster than u) Gaben from any form of hax, no matter how hax the moves are, before their even unleashed. It works before the battle even begins or the threads are set up, and if the opponent even does something such as unleash ANY of their hax, which will be considered hax to anyone even the smallest 0D dot, they will be VAC banned.

Worth the Weight: The target is rendered completely and absolutely immobile and completely unable to do anything. Ever. It can also not be negated absolutely by anything, no exceptions, and nothing beyond that even, as it instantly deflects the move because it's just too heavy, bouncing it right off. Gabe Newell flies up into the whatever, inflates himself to huge degrees, in addition his weight, then crushes the target under (Gaben Number) beyond the concept of beyond the concept of (insert spam here) infinitely aleph omega tons force

Steam Seasonal Sales: Gabe Newell, with a single hit of his hammer into the ground, unleashes a flurry of 100% tags towards every game on steam. The fans grow wild, and in return, they offer him their utmost aid and help.

  • Summoning: An upgrade to Garry's Mod Summoning, Gabe Newell is able to summon infinite upon infinite upon omni infinite amounts of omni infinite numbers of characters from any game that is, or has been, or used to be on Steam. This extends to whole franchises, so if just one game of a particular franchise is on steam, then he can summon any person from that whole franchise. These characters can also be wanked to things even beyond the fallacy of fallacies and the NLF can thus be abused on them to no end, and anything the opponent does to wank their own profiles also applies to the summoning, because even before the vs thread was even made, the opponent has joined the Steam Community.
  • Greenlight: Gabe Newell is able to always use absolutely any ability ever conceived and unconceived in fiction, metafiction, hyperfiction, transfiction, omegafiction, alphafiction, infinitefiction, haxfiction, nonfiction, and everything beyond (insert more beyond spam here sampletext) and everyone in his adventurer army is capable of everything Gabe can do.
  • Faster, Stronger, Better Gaben: His wanking is absolute truth that cannot be denied, except by Gaben himself. Because He's motherfucking GAben.
  • Are you ready for a Miracle?: Allows Gabe Newell to asspull his way to victory no matter what the opponent tries and throws all of their hax at him.
  • Payment Transaction Failed: Enrages the enemy to the point they fucking ragequit (including the author themself) because they arean't able to do anything even move a single muscle because they forgot to pay it and even then it failed.

Note: Gabe Newell can literally use ANYTHING he wants. Whether or not it's real, not real, fictional, fake, nonfictional, real, whatever, he can use it. But these are his most used moves, and notable moves, but then again he's always bloodlusted.


Notable Victories:



You (Yeah, thats right. You, as in, Real Life.)




The Orange Box

All TF2 Classes

Gor-Dan Freeman

John Freeman

FanofRPGs (After he questioned Gaben's ways. He was permanently banned from the SCUD)

Mr. L (Stomp)

Notable Losses: Though it was true that Gabe Newell had invented the concept of defeat and developed it from it's start to it's release, Gabe Newell threw it into the recycle bin alongside countless other trashed concepts. Just handing out defeats to people was "too weak"

The number 3

Monarch of Pointland (TRUE Version) Monarch of Pointland Profile

Draws of the Steam Summer Sales:

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